


Waiting

by DarthBones



Category: Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Genre: Angst, Drabble, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Jolee Canderous and Zaalbaar have minor roles, this got away from me somewhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-22
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-02-09 22:54:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2001069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarthBones/pseuds/DarthBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When people relate heroes' journeys, they often fail to mention how much time is spent waiting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waiting

     The crew of the Ebon Hawk had a lot of downtime while traveling between planets. More than any of them really knew what to do with. The council had made their quest feel so urgent that the travel times could really get under one’s skin. There was only so much Pazaak you could play before you started climbing the walls. When people relate heroes’ journeys, they often fail to mention how much time is spent waiting. 

     Vala Organa tried a couple times to get Bastila to tell her about her famous fight with Lord Revan. Bastila would dodge questions and change the subject to another lecture about the temptations of the Dark Side in an obvious attempt to send Vala slinking out of the room like a kicked gizka. Vala couldn’t understand why it was such a big secret. But she eventually gave up and instead talked with Bastila about other things. They both took comfort in meditating together. 

     Vala and Juhani sparred together often. Juhani was the only one besides Zaalbaar or Canderous who could match Vala for physical strength. And nobody could, not even Vala, could match Juhani for speed. They’d only end their sessions when they were both too tired to swing a blade. They’d retire to the women’s quarters, holding each other up and falling into a bunk together. Bastila had been shocked when she found them asleep together the first time and tentatively brought it up with Vala later.

     “So? She helped me get in bed and was so tired that she just crawled in next to me, rather than climb into her own bunk.” She didn’t mention the shy kisses they’d exchanged during the night. They never did more than that, but it was a frequent occurrence. 

     With T3, Vala spent a lot of time doing routine maintenance on the ship. He was a mostly silent companion and she enjoyed his company most of all. Occasionally, she’d show him some interesting upgrade that Davik had installed and he’d beep excitedly. Other times, she might think of the enormity of their quest and sigh, to which T3 would always respond with a few reassuring boops.

      Jolee was fun to tease because he could always be counted on to dish it back out. Vala told him once that he was too old to be so sassy. He naturally countered that she was too young to be so sarcastic.

      After the Leviathan, she found herself enjoying talks with HK-47. He was the only one who knew Revan personally and therefore the only one who could help her sort through the memories that inexorably returned. She hadn’t lied to Mission per se, she had had only a few flashes of being Revan. But awareness caused the memories to multiply. That was the other benefit of discussing the memories with HK and occasionally Canderous. Neither of them would consider it a bad thing for her to remember who she really was. Because that was what it came down to. There was no point in denying it, she was and would always be Revan. Revan hadn’t always been a lord of the Sith, there was no reason why she shouldn’t incorporate Revan’s knowledge into her own. Accepting that created a noticeable change in her force powers. They grew not only stronger, but was surprised to realize that it became easier to hurt _and_ to heal through the Force. When she inquired with HK-47 about this observation, he informed her that Revan had been a uniquely skilled healer. She was more gifted at healing than at any of the “Dark Side powers” which Vala had been warned away from and and yet learned to use all the same. (Could she help it that lightning was such an effective tool?) It occurred to her that she still knew very little about Revan, beyond some scattered memories and the Sith Lord archetype. But it seemed that even Sith Lords do not fit neatly into categories of good or evil.

     It was interesting to hear HK-47 talk about Malak. Most of what she remembered about him was from before the Mandalorian Wars and didn’t fit the brutal and cruel image that HK painted. Mostly she remembered a daring Jedi who wanted to protect innocents. He liked fighting, but hated killing. He was gentle.

      Carth could make for frustrating company. But finding Dustil and killing Saul seemed to bring him a lot of peace. He was obviously wary of Vala for a few days after the Leviathan. But soon the two of them started to joke about it and they couldn’t help but appreciate the irony that one of the first people he learned to trust in a long while was a former Sith Lord.

     “Remember, we’re dealing with the Force. At this point, Malak himself could drop out of the sky and I wouldn’t bat an eye,” she quoted.

      They were on their way to the Star Forge system and everything was coming to a head. Vala lay in bed with Juhani, neither able to sleep, and listened to the quiet sounds of Mission playing Pazaak to herself. Occasionally, they’d hear Canderous’ heavy footsteps as he paced around the ship.

     “I lied, you know. I remember more than a few flashes.” Mission looked up as she shuffled her cards. Juhani said nothing, but slid one hand into Vala’s. “I think I love-. Loved him.”  
     “Who, dear?”

      “Malak. It’s a little confusing.” (Some of the memories felt so fresh that it felt as though she had never stopped loving him.) Juhani thought for a moment.

      “Malak was once a hero. I think the galaxy prefers to forget that detail.”

      “I want to save him.”

      “I would too, were I you.” Mission nodded agreement and returned to her game.

      Bastila wasn’t easy to turn back to the Light and it was then that Vala knew that saving Malak wouldn’t be possible. But she also knew that she’d never forgive herself if she didn’t try. The power of the Star Forge made dozens more memories of Malak resurface. Vala tried to shut them out; paying attention to them wouldn’t make the fight with Malak any easier.

     “If you had not led me down the dark path in the first place, what destiny would I have found?” She was holding his body and weeping when Bastila found her. Vala had to be dragged back to the Ebon Hawk.

     The trip back to Coruscant felt like it took forever. Vala kept trying to be alone with her thoughts, but the others were conspiring to keep her company at all times. Bastila had told them how she’d found her and they all agreed that being alone might not be healthy for her, at least for now. Juhani was a blessing. She didn’t force conversation or repeatedly tell her that it would all be alright. They got back into the old rhythm of sparring until they were exhausted and slowly Vala felt the blame less strongly. Meditations with Bastila and conversations with Carth and HK resumed. She played Pazaak with Mission and upgraded the ship with T3. And Canderous could always be counted on when she just wanted to sit quietly and clean a weapon or talk about old battles.

     By the time they reached Coruscant, Vala was ready for a hero’s welcome. She didn’t feel heroic of course (she felt like someone who had murdered her best friend, even if they hadn’t been friends in a long time) but she managed to smile as they pinned a medal on her chest. Carth had a hand on her shoulder through part of the ceremony. Zaalbaar loomed protectively in the background. When it was over, she realized that Juhani and Bastila had each been reassuringly holding one of her hands. None of them could really understand how she felt, but they all wanted her to feel loved.

      After the ceremony, they spent time together on Coruscant. It felt like waiting. Waiting for something to happen, for the next fiasco, for the tentative peace to fall apart. The waiting made them all itch for something to do, so they fell into old patterns. Until Vala finally remembered what had happened beyond the Outer Rim. She left them all behind to face it, believing she would never see them again. Vala was wrong, but Juhani would spend a long time waiting for Revan to come home.

**Author's Note:**

> Quietly rejects the canon that Revan left the galaxy and never returned with both middle fingers raised.


End file.
